28 weeks later...
Holy smokes 28 weeks...that's 6 months...that's like really quite pregnant! If anyone knows if Gaviscon do sponsorship deals, please put me in touch!
I went for my 28 week midwife check up which included the Glucose test. With previous pregnancies this meant downing a bottle of Lucazade with breakfast which was pretty rough. They've changed it now so you have to dilute 17 (yes you heard me), 17 Dextro tablets in hot water and drink it an hour before your blood test. I of course only remembered I needed to buy Dextro tablets at 11pm the night before despite having set an alarm, written a note on the fridge, asked my children to remind me to go to the shops after school (which was a bit like asking my daughters guinea pig...which is dead) and sporadically throughout the day having moments of openly verbalising "Ooh, I must remember to buy those Dextro tablets!" (Don't you just love the lack of inner-monologue during pregnancy?!)
No panic people! My appointment is at 10.10 and I need to finish drinking this radioactive concoction by 9.10. I'll drop the kids at school and run to the chemist to buy the tablets, dissolve them in the flask of hot water I'll take with me and happy days! It will be tight but doable....as long as we leave for school on time. And there in lies the rub! The success of this entire plan to solve this baby-brain created scenario is in the hands of my children... I'm screwed!
"Right kids, we need to make sure we leave on time as I have an important appointment......kids?......KIDS?!" The following issues apparently had to be tackled before they could even consider leaving the house...
1, I don't feel like going to school today
2. I think someone's stolen my shoe
3. Do you think the dog looks better in a hat or glasses?
4. Is it the weekend?
5. Can the dog come to school with me?
6. I think it's mufty day. Can I wear my dragon costume?
7. I still can't find my shoe, shall I just hop all day?
8. Actually the cat looks good in glasses, can you get proper cat glasses?
A swift run of answers followed...
You're still going, it's in your hand, I think the hat, no, no, no, it's still in your hand so no, he does but I don't think so.
...and we're off!
We made it to school by the skin of our teeth, headed to the chemist to buy the Dextro tablets and piled 17 of the blighters into my flask.... No spoon! That's ok, I'll shake it. I'll just shake it until 17 large tablets dilute in the inadequate amount of hot water I brought with me. As I opened the lid to confirm the fact that it wasn't even close to diluted, the fizzing effect of the tablets meant that water exploded out of the flask and all over my lap! It's 9.05 for crying out loud, dilute you little basta...hang on. I'll add some cold water so there's more water for them to dilute in. Lid back on... Shake... open lid... more drink explodes all over me...still not completely diluted! It's 9.08, I have to start drinking!
(I should at this point tell you that I have slightly overactive gag reflex)
What follows is cycle of swirl flask - drink - gag - try to swallow - swirl flask - drink - gag - try to swallow. Finally I reach the bottom of the flask to find a mush of undissolved Dextro tablets. You've got to be shi......no thats fine. I'll just add a little more water and swill the last bits of tablet out. I HAVE TO HAVE 17 TABLETS! Some of the tablets came out in a grainy, cloudy water (Gag!), but I now have the equivalent of 2 tablets of bits still left in the flask and at least 1/2 a tablets worth on my lap. No that's fine, I'll just eat two and half tablets solid to make up the different and drink plenty of water. Yes, that's what I'll do! I then precede to shove Dextro tablets in my mouth like Augustus Bloom out of Charlie and the Chocolate factory and wash them down with water. (One of the Mums from school walked past the car at this point looking pretty concerned) Could it be because I look like an addict taking an overdose...to a tight time frame?! Yes, and there is a slight chance I was!
It's 9.20. I'm going to have to fess up to the midwife that I finished drinking late and there may be a slight grey area regarding the exact amount of Dextro tablets in my system.
I then head off and grab a few bits from the shops with a slight but very real sense that at any minute (approximately) 17 Dextro tablets and a lot of cloudy water could come back to haunt me.
10.05 and I'm at my appointment feeling a little rough and now busting for the toilet. "The midwife will be with you in a minute, would you like to go and do a urine sample first?" Yes! that's exactly what I want to do! I would have launched across the desk and hugged her at that suggestion, but my bladder was far too full for any jumping related movement.
10.10 I'm in with the midwife, sample in hand and feeling nauseous but quite energetic! "So, how are you feeling? Did you drink your glucose drink ok?"."Yeah, no problem at all....I probably should mention...."